Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
I trust you, Babe.
Have you ever heard a song that made you stop in your tracks because it spoke so directly to you? It took every facet of your life and simplified it into so many words, that you couldn't believe it? It happened to me today.
Sara Bareilles - The Light
__________________________________________________________
I listened to it over and over and over again. Letting the words wash over me. I've been in such a strange place lately. Having to continually fight for the relationship I have and define it to other people has caused me to constantly try to define it in my own mind. Will it last? Is it true? And sadly, it's made me question so much that I began to not remember what was so wonderful about us to begin with. Maybe these words were exactly what I needed, to start to release the pressure, to live in the moment. It's not easy, but I'm trying. "No one knows where it ends, how it may come tumbling down, but I'm here with you now."
Sara Bareilles - The Light
In the morning it comes, heaven sent a hurricane
Not a trace of the sun but I don't even run from rain
Beating out of my chest, heart is holding on to you
From the moment I knew
From the moment I knew
You're the air in my breath filling up my love soaked lungs
Such a beautiful mess intertwined and overrun
Nothing better than this, No, and then the storm can come
You feel just like the sun
Just like the sun
And if you say it'll be alright
I'm gonna trust you, babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And if you say it'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light
Never mind what I knew, nothing seems to matter now
Ooh, who I was without you, I can do without
No one knows where it ends, how it may come tumbling down
But I'm here with you now
I'm with you now
And if you say it'll be alright
I'm gonna trust you, babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And if you say it'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light
Let the world come rush in
Come down hard; come crush in
All I need is right here beside me
I'm not enough, I swear it
Take my love and wear it over your shoulders
And if you say it'll be alright
I'm gonna trust you, babe
I'm gonna look in your eyes
And if you say it'll be alright
I'll follow you into the light
__________________________________________________________
I listened to it over and over and over again. Letting the words wash over me. I've been in such a strange place lately. Having to continually fight for the relationship I have and define it to other people has caused me to constantly try to define it in my own mind. Will it last? Is it true? And sadly, it's made me question so much that I began to not remember what was so wonderful about us to begin with. Maybe these words were exactly what I needed, to start to release the pressure, to live in the moment. It's not easy, but I'm trying. "No one knows where it ends, how it may come tumbling down, but I'm here with you now."
Friday, September 10, 2010
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
On Friday night, Craig and I decided to stay in and watch our recent Netflix picks (consisting of a documentary and Mad Men season 1)
We watched The Cove.
If you have not seen this documentary, you need to stop what you're doing right now and go out and get it (or at least put it on your Netflix queue). It's no wonder this documentary won Best Documentary at this past year's Academy Awards. It does everything a good documentary is supposed to do. While watching, you learn something new, you get a tingling feeling in your spine watching people on the verge of getting caught, and your stomach rises to your throat in anger as you realize exactly what is going on.
The Cove is a place in Taiji, Japan where the largest dolphin slaughter in the world takes place. It's hidden by wooded cliffs and heavily protected by Japanese fishermen.
An espionage move, the team is able to plant cameras into never-before-seen areas of the cove and captured exactly what was happening. It's heartbreaking the detail that is seen, from the boats corralling the dolphins in, to the eventual bloody waters of the aftermath. It's gut wrenching.
We watched The Cove.
If you have not seen this documentary, you need to stop what you're doing right now and go out and get it (or at least put it on your Netflix queue). It's no wonder this documentary won Best Documentary at this past year's Academy Awards. It does everything a good documentary is supposed to do. While watching, you learn something new, you get a tingling feeling in your spine watching people on the verge of getting caught, and your stomach rises to your throat in anger as you realize exactly what is going on.
The Cove is a place in Taiji, Japan where the largest dolphin slaughter in the world takes place. It's hidden by wooded cliffs and heavily protected by Japanese fishermen.
An espionage move, the team is able to plant cameras into never-before-seen areas of the cove and captured exactly what was happening. It's heartbreaking the detail that is seen, from the boats corralling the dolphins in, to the eventual bloody waters of the aftermath. It's gut wrenching.
In fact, Craig and I stared expressionless at each other afterwards until it was finally uttered, "What can we do??"
Just watch it. Please.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
The Daily Lust
In 8 days, Craig and I will be heading down to North Carolina to have a quick vacation from the city. Today, I am lusting for that Friday afternoon.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The Daily Lust
Who wants to buy me these?!?!? They're only 60 bucks!
Bowtie Booties from Filthy Magic
I know, it's amazing that I even look at websites titled "Filthy Magic".
Friday, August 20, 2010
Things I take for granted:
Hormonal Balance
Seriously, it doesn't even cross my mind until I am forced to battle hormonal imbalance.
I was on the worst birth control medication that existed. (Online research confirms this. Duh, if it's online, it's true.) Seriously, I know it's the worst because I got it for basically nothing. Since I was uninsured from July 2008 to May 2010, it was always a precarious situation when it came to getting medical help. In short, I always had to get my yearly gynecological exams from the local abortion clinic and receive whatever brand of BCPs they were promoting at the time. While I didn't have many problems with it in the beginning, the past 6 months have been absolute horror. In fact, I'm surprised I was not murdered in the past 2 months. That bad.
It wasn't just the cramps, the irritability, the breakouts, missing periods, and the weight gain.. the worst were my terrible terrible mood swings. 2 weeks ago, I had one of the worst breakdowns ever. I came home from work, after a hellish commute and found Craig sitting in my apartment.
"I'm hungry," I said.
"Me too, let's order something," he replied.
"Okay, what do you want?"
"I don't care, I'll eat anything. Pick what you want."
And I broke down, right there, because I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat and I was so hungry I could have eaten my own hand.
I pulled it together, ordered some food, and ate like I had never seen food before in my life.
After dinner, we laid in bed, watching tv and talking when I felt it swell up again. There wasn't even a trigger this time... just sobs.
Craig held me close, stroked my hair and laughed (obviously, at the absurdity of it all) and I choked through sobs "Don't [gasp] laugh at [gasp] me [sob] [sob] [sob]!!!"
"You're not the only one who appreciates you changing birth control pills," he said to me.
[sob] [sob] [sob] [sob]
I know I have been a nightmare to live with, but he takes it all in stride, I'm grateful for that.
So, I switched. One of the first things I did after getting insured was to make an appointment with a REAL gynecological practice and get some REAL medical attention. He put me on a different BCP and I was extactic! Finally, I would be back to normal, no terrible side effects! While I knew that there was always the possibility of having symptoms with any medication, I expected that this one (which is widely used) would be much lighter on the side effects. What I didn't expect, was the tyrant of symptoms I would experience when changing hormones.
12 hours after taking the new mixture of anti-baby pills, I was a mess. Craig had just left for vacation and to the outside, I was experiencing some major withdrawal. I couldn't stop crying! I took long showers, went swimming, and even tried to sleep, but the emotions kept swelling up out of nowhere! The next day, sitting at work wiping tears off my face, I kept having to convince everyone that I was fine. And the following day, I stepped off the curb into a rain puddle that soaked me up to the ankle. Right there, on a busy New York street, I broke down into a sobbing mess. Not little tears, but big, choking sobs that caused people to take their headphones out of their ears. I was making a scene - because my shoe was wet.
As my body continues to adjust to the new hormones, I am experiencing a plethora of swings. One moment, I am full of energy, bursting out of my skin with the need to RUN; the next, I'm so tired, I can't keep my eyes open. I actually fell asleep standing up, waiting for the bus. My stomach is gnawing at my throat, begging for food and then suddenly, I can't eat a single thing. Perfectly fine to boiling angry in a matter of seconds! Sooo annoying.
[to go ahead and stop any suspicions, no, I am not pregnant.]
As the week has gone on, things have slowly gotten better. I didn't cry when watching TV last night, which was a first in 5 days. And, I've been able to stay awake all day today! (Seriously, I've been nodding off at work, then feeling bad about it and crying again) Hopefully, my body is finally adjusting to the hormonal change and finding balance.
So, I take you for granted, hormonal balance. Because without it, I certainily would never have any friends.
Seriously, it doesn't even cross my mind until I am forced to battle hormonal imbalance.
I was on the worst birth control medication that existed. (Online research confirms this. Duh, if it's online, it's true.) Seriously, I know it's the worst because I got it for basically nothing. Since I was uninsured from July 2008 to May 2010, it was always a precarious situation when it came to getting medical help. In short, I always had to get my yearly gynecological exams from the local abortion clinic and receive whatever brand of BCPs they were promoting at the time. While I didn't have many problems with it in the beginning, the past 6 months have been absolute horror. In fact, I'm surprised I was not murdered in the past 2 months. That bad.
It wasn't just the cramps, the irritability, the breakouts, missing periods, and the weight gain.. the worst were my terrible terrible mood swings. 2 weeks ago, I had one of the worst breakdowns ever. I came home from work, after a hellish commute and found Craig sitting in my apartment.
"I'm hungry," I said.
"Me too, let's order something," he replied.
"Okay, what do you want?"
"I don't care, I'll eat anything. Pick what you want."
And I broke down, right there, because I couldn't decide what I wanted to eat and I was so hungry I could have eaten my own hand.
I pulled it together, ordered some food, and ate like I had never seen food before in my life.
After dinner, we laid in bed, watching tv and talking when I felt it swell up again. There wasn't even a trigger this time... just sobs.
Craig held me close, stroked my hair and laughed (obviously, at the absurdity of it all) and I choked through sobs "Don't [gasp] laugh at [gasp] me [sob] [sob] [sob]!!!"
"You're not the only one who appreciates you changing birth control pills," he said to me.
[sob] [sob] [sob] [sob]
I know I have been a nightmare to live with, but he takes it all in stride, I'm grateful for that.
So, I switched. One of the first things I did after getting insured was to make an appointment with a REAL gynecological practice and get some REAL medical attention. He put me on a different BCP and I was extactic! Finally, I would be back to normal, no terrible side effects! While I knew that there was always the possibility of having symptoms with any medication, I expected that this one (which is widely used) would be much lighter on the side effects. What I didn't expect, was the tyrant of symptoms I would experience when changing hormones.
12 hours after taking the new mixture of anti-baby pills, I was a mess. Craig had just left for vacation and to the outside, I was experiencing some major withdrawal. I couldn't stop crying! I took long showers, went swimming, and even tried to sleep, but the emotions kept swelling up out of nowhere! The next day, sitting at work wiping tears off my face, I kept having to convince everyone that I was fine. And the following day, I stepped off the curb into a rain puddle that soaked me up to the ankle. Right there, on a busy New York street, I broke down into a sobbing mess. Not little tears, but big, choking sobs that caused people to take their headphones out of their ears. I was making a scene - because my shoe was wet.
As my body continues to adjust to the new hormones, I am experiencing a plethora of swings. One moment, I am full of energy, bursting out of my skin with the need to RUN; the next, I'm so tired, I can't keep my eyes open. I actually fell asleep standing up, waiting for the bus. My stomach is gnawing at my throat, begging for food and then suddenly, I can't eat a single thing. Perfectly fine to boiling angry in a matter of seconds! Sooo annoying.
[to go ahead and stop any suspicions, no, I am not pregnant.]
As the week has gone on, things have slowly gotten better. I didn't cry when watching TV last night, which was a first in 5 days. And, I've been able to stay awake all day today! (Seriously, I've been nodding off at work, then feeling bad about it and crying again) Hopefully, my body is finally adjusting to the hormonal change and finding balance.
So, I take you for granted, hormonal balance. Because without it, I certainily would never have any friends.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The Daily Lust
Lately, my "Daily Lusts" have been places. One would think that I need to get away...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)