Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas time!

I'll be home for Christmas - you can count on me.  Please have snow and mistletoe... and presents under the tree!   Christmas Eve will find me.... in an airport terminal.

Not exactly a very exciting way to start Christmas.  This is the first year I've lived away from home during the holiday season and it's been very difficult for me.  Not because I miss my family or home (I do, but that's not what makes it difficult).  It's that I've had a really hard time getting into the holiday spirit.  I had to work today - (I'll just say it was a BIG waste of time as to not stray from the topic) and knowing that tomorrow is Christmas just seems strange - normally I would have had lots of time to prepare, sing carols, wrap presents, etc.  But now, I'll fly in tonight (around midnight), go to bed, and wake up on Christmas morning.  odd.  I guess this is just all part of growing up.  

I'm going to have an action-packed few days coming up.  Christmas with the mom-side, Christmas with the dad-side, Christmas with friends, skiing (well, not for me), and then a day (maybe two) of restful time to spend with family.

I do know, no matter how busy my time gets - I will have to get some Mexican food (yes, probably from La Cocina) People in New York City just can't seem to get it right : ) 

Whoo - gotta go, planes-a-boardin'!!  I'll be flying with Santa!

Merry Christmas to all!

Monday, December 22, 2008

10 million people on 10 miles of island...

There's a strange thing about living in a large city - with so many people living in such a concentrated area, it is amazing how a person can still feel so alone.  I guess it is very true that quantity of contact does not compare to quality of contact.  I come in contact with hundreds of people every day.  On the L train alone, I pile on a single subway car with hundreds of people on it - and these things are not built for hundreds, I'll tell you that. 

I'm finding that is very hard to make friends here. Sure, I've gone to parties and met some new people, but for the most part, I'm left to the side while people reminisce about the past (since they already know each other).   I guess, it's kind of like the Zoloft mascot. 

It is difficult for me to fathom this life I have now.  This time last year, I was on top of the world... I had just finished finals, was getting married in six months, and I was surrounded by friends and family.  I was happy and content with my life and could easily imagine my life in 5 or 10 years.  Now, I spend most of my time by myself, within my own thoughts.. I cook meals for one.  I can't imagine what my life will be in 6 months - let alone 5 years.  

I guess the problem is that I really don't have anything to look forward to.  I don't look forward to going to work (I have what may be the most boring job I've ever experienced), I don't have anything to look forward to when leaving work (going to sleep that night?? exciting... pssh) and even finishing out the week - most of the time I have no plans for the weekend and no one to make any plans with.  Of course, I'm really looking forward to being with my family and my friends - but these days are going by so slow.

I hate complaining, and I really feel like all I do is speak poorly of living in New York, but I do like it.  There's an energy about the city that makes it exciting.  I'm just saying that I have a lot of healing and self realization to do.  I really want to enjoy myself again - to have some confidence and assurance about who I am and what I mean to this world - all of the things I seem to have lost while hearing over and over that I was worthless and would never make it in this world alone.

I don't regret moving here - in fact, I'm glad I did... if nothing else comes of it, I can say that I tried something drastic and tie it all up in a big "experience bow".  I just happened to pick the worst time in our generation to move to a new city and find a job.  I know I'll be alright, I always am, I've just never had to take this much time to pull myself out of an emotional hole.  

So my new years resolution will be to begin to love myself again.  To find a place where I can be happy and healthy (physically and emotionally) and to not slack off on this resolution.  I understand that things will not fall magically into place by the end of January just because I've written it down, it's going to be a tough road but worth it in the end.  

 "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha

Friday, December 19, 2008

Winter Wonderland!

Okay, so it's not exactly a winter wonderland - it's more of a snowy slush, but it's still nice to see some snow in the city.  I've always heard that it was unusual how people below the Mason-Dixon line reacted to snow, but it seems that people up here react the same way.  I expected people to go about their daily lives and see no change in people - but all day people were leaving work, bringing their kids in (schools were closed), and freaking out about it.  Overall, there's only about 3 inches on the ground, which is a substantial amount, but still, I was surprised at the reaction of "New Yorkers".  

I'm staying in tonight - which is a little sad because Friday is normally my 'night out on the town', but it's just too gross out.  It was a treacherous journey to my apartment from the subway station - I was slipping and sliding all over the place.  Not because of ice, but because of slush - which, I found is harder to walk in than ice!  By the time I got home, my shoes were soaked through and my jeans had absorbed water almost up to my knees.  I certainly didn't dress for the snow.  Though it may sound like it, it was not miserable - I was very content to be walking in the snow/ice, it wasn't that cold out and the snow makes the city look pure and clean.  (Not that the city is 'dirty' - I've certainly seen worse, but still)  

Tomorrow, I plan to do some shopping and take some pictures of the Christmas decorations around the city.  Hopefully, some of the slush will be cleared away and moving about the city won't be a suicide mission.  

I feel like this blog is incredibly boring so far - but, my life seems to be a bit boring as well.  I basically get up, go to work, come home, jog/rest, and go to bed.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

I promise that when my life becomes more exciting, I'll bring you all along for the ride : )

Stay warm!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Blog introduction

It has been just over 2 months since I picked up and moved from small-town North Carolina to big-city New York.  I have started this blog to keep everyone up to date about the life and times of me.  

Though it probably won't resemble anything like Sex and The City - it may still be entertaining to some.

That's all for now, here's a New York holiday photo for your viewing pleasure!  Taken of the skating rink at Bryant Park - Empire State Building in the background.