I'm sitting on a 6th floor balcony facing the Gulf as I write this post. Yes, my family decided to take a post-Christmas vacation and we've been spending the week in St. Petersburg, Florida on Capri Isle.
The view from my grandmother's dock - Treasure Island, FL
I've been trying to force myself to not worry my mind with thoughts of joblessness or boys, and to try and relax this week. But, of course, I can never keep my mind still.
Isn't it funny how we think that just because the year changes that we have a clean slate? Like everything we've done and experienced goes away because it's a new year. Part of me wants to believe that's how it can be, but the other part knows the reality. The problems and issues we had on December 31st will still be there on January 1st. 2009 will become 2010 and everything will stay the same. I guess the ability to change is still there, and it's easier for some people to adapt new habits when there's talk about change in the air.
Normally, this would be the time I make my resolutions for the year, but I think I'm going to wait until tomorrow to really put it all out there. There's some thinking I have to do on that.
But, since the end of the year has now arrived, it's time to do the official 2009 resolution check. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you'd remember the original resolution post and the 6-month-check-up. So, here we go - let's see how I did this year.
Family: It has been a very difficult year for my family. My resolution with them was to make sure I was maintaining contact with all of them (including extended family) and to be certain they understood how much they mean to me. Never did I think that losing one of my favorite people would bring that closeness back to the family. The death of my grandfather and my dad's cancer diagnosis has given us an opportunity to know each other in a way I didn't think possible before. I hate the circumstances that forced this, but I'm appreciative to have such an amazing support system in place. I'm extremely fortunate to have such a wonderful family.
Independence: Man, I have certainly become more independent this year! In fact, I moved from an apartment in the East Village to one in Murray Hill by myself! (Yes, I did have a friend help me move my bed, but I did the rest!) It was one of those situations that I would have never had to worry about had I been in North Carolina, but this time, I had to step up and figure it out on my own. I've also spent more time figuring out what I want to do - not what other people would want. It's hard, to consider only myself and not others, but I'm getting better.
Friends: After leaving Ogilvy, I had less time to remain in contact with my friends from home (on gchat), that, I regret. But, moving to a new job and a new apartment, and meeting more people in the city, I'm really starting to form a friend network here. Of course, my friends from home will always hold a special place in my life and I hope they are always there.
In addition, I'm really starting to understand that I have a choice about what people I want in my life and ones that I do not. It seems so elementary, that we get to be selective about who we want to spend our time with - but it really took me a lot of courage to be able to tell people that I just wasn't interested in being their friend. It's probably some of the best things I've done.
Dating: If you read this blog, you know all about my dating life. Of course, I didn't come out of this year with a solid romantic relationship, but I feel like I came out with something a lot better - I have a better understanding of myself and what I need in a partner. I guess this whole dating thing has really been about self-discovery all along. I've met some great people, some creepy people, I've laughed until no sound came out, and I've cried. Best of all, I've made some great friends.
Professional: This is probably the worst part of this "review". After getting laid off in October and being jobless up until this point, I've been very discouraged in the professional realm. Hopefully, this will turn around in the coming weeks.
Selfishness: If you remember, I resoluted to be more selfish this year. To consider myself above others and to really focus on what I wanted out of life. I've made extra effort to say "no" when I don't want to do something and to push for what I want. It's a lifestyle change, yes. But, I think it's for the best. I've also gotten much better about articulating my feelings to people - to be able to say "you upset me" when I usually would keep to myself. "I like you" is another thing I've learned it's okay to say to people (when it's true)
I've come out of a shell this year. And, no matter what happens, 2009 will be the year I lived in New York City, the year my father was diagnosed with (and hopefully beat) cancer, the year I lost my dog, the year my grandfather died. It will be the year where I moved from a crappy apartment in the East Village to a wonderful place uptown. It will have been the year I sat on the beach in December trying to get as tan as this 70 degree weather will allow.
The sun has sunk beautifully into the reflective water and I'll be going to dinner with the family soon. So, while my 2010 resolutions are still coming, I wish you all a very happy new year. May 2010 be your best year yet!