Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Elon, and a note about forgiveness

Last week, this video made the rounds on almost all of the social networking sites. I caught it from a twitter post and before the nearly 3 minutes were up, I had tears in my eyes.  You see, there is a sense of pride in every Elon student. Just as it says in the video, I don't know any student that doesn't feel that way, that doesn't look back on their time there with nostalgia. But for me, it brought on very a very different type of emotion. I was sad, very sad. And angry.

Part of me feels robbed of my college experience because of the relationship I was in. I didn't participate in all that I could have because I felt I had to be constantly "on call" waiting for phone calls from another part of the world. I spent so much of my time trying to make a long-distance relationship work that I had no other time for non-scholarly events. In the scene where the graduates are excitedly staring at their degrees, hugging family members, and posing for pictures, I can only remember the disappointment I felt because he had not shown up. I only wanted to be out of there.

In many ways, I have come to a place of forgiveness in light of what transpired in that relationship; but, when it comes to my college experience, knowing everything I could have had, I can only feel that twinge of regret and anger. I hate that my college memories, ones that are supposed to be remembered with fondness, are sprinkled with nauseating memories of hurt. He took a lot more from me than I realized at the time, and I'm not ready to forgive that.

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