“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love
again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you
aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can
make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making
mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking
about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she
knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t
analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy,
let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

-Bob Marley

He certainly knew a little bit about living in the moment. Live for today, for now. This minute, this second, this moment. Nothing else matters.

The Daily Lust

I would do terrible things for a cheeseburger that wouldn't derail my diet. Terrible things.

Stuff my boyfriend says..

A sleepy conversation:

"Come here."

"I'm here.."

"No, closer.. I want your skin on me."

Adorable? Or "Silence of the Lambs" creepy?

The Daily Lust

Valentino lace bow pump. I die.

We went to dinner at The Water Club with my mother and sister. Delicious food, crisp wine, and delightful company.



And, he's cute. ;)

The Daily Lust

I'm lusting today over summer to fall pieces. This gorgeous little frock is perfection.

Dennis Basso, Fall/Winter Collection 2010

It's hot outside!

It's time for the beach and laying poolside, drinking lemonade from street fairs and wearing little sundresses.

So why is it that I can't help thinking about fall? Wishing for crisp, 40 degree mornings with 60 degree afternoons.



Can you imagine walking down this road? Chunky cardigans and boots, holding hands with the boy. Soon, love. Soon.

Stay forever, Sunday.

After a full day in the hot hot sun, we come back to take an air conditioned nap. He sleeps while I type and even though he faces the opposite wall, he still reaches back to place a hand on my knee. Love.

Damages

It was 2:12pm. My phone sat next to me, the messages I had sent sat unread. A mountain of paperwork sat to my left, the completed (much smaller pile) set of papers to my right. My mouse blinked on the screen. I sent another message. “Are you busy?” No reply.

Then, I couldn’t breathe. My throat shut completely. My heart pounded in my chest, my palms got sweaty, my head swirled with a carousel of images, people and objects in my life spinning round and round, each not tangible. “I’m having a panic attack,” I realized.

It’s no secret that I carry a significant amount of damage from my previous relationship, but it is unusual for the affects to show themselves, like was the case today. Normal me would have seen Craig’s lack of response as a busily working employee, trying to complete everything before leaving for the weekend. But today, that silent phone sent me into a spiral of self loathing and doubt. I am afraid of losing him.

It’s strange, because even in the midst of these attacks our outbursts, I do have the mental ability to understand that I’m being ridiculous, allowing my stupid brain to make up fictitious scenarios and attempt to persuade normal me into accepting that as a reality. Even still, it doesn’t seem to be able to calm my shaking hands and clenched teeth, thinking that my world is going to be turned upside down at any second.

It’s not fair to Craig, really, to have me question his fidelity or desire to be with me when he has given me no reason to. But, the outcome of my relationship with Cole taught me to question everything, to think that nothing is certain, and to always be on edge, preparing for the blast.

Most of the time, I can keep it under wraps, calming myself down to prevent an onslaught of questions spewing out of my mouth, questioning his every intent. “What did you REALLY mean when you said that?” “Where were you REALLY when you told me that you were somewhere else?” “Do you REALLY mean that, or were you just telling me what I want to hear?”

He is an amazing person for constantly reminding me that he wants to be with me, but I can’t help but wonder why he would want to be with someone as damaged as I am. Do I deserve to be with someone so wonderful? And, if I do, do I do enough for him to warrant his love?

With every relationship, I’m sure there is the possibility of it failing. People are people and sometimes we change our minds, but I am firm in the belief that some things do last forever. I hope and pray that this is one of them.

While I continue work out my own issues, I strive to be the kind of person that he deserves. Someone who is not emotionally stunted and who gives him all the love he is deserving of. Let’s just say that I have work to do…

Thinking of Dads

Today, I spent some time with my thoughts to think about my dad. And, while I was remembering all of the amazing things he has done, and all of the wonderful traits he has, I could only think of his father, my grandfather, who is the reason he is the way he is at all.

I was so overwhelmed with thoughts of how great he was. A man who had everything we all strive for; wisdom, skill, kindness, love, and passion. I miss him. So much.

I love my father dearly and I am so thankful to have such a wonderful person in my life to look up to. I hope each of you took some time today to share time or words or thoughts with your fathers. And to those of you who may be remembering fathers past, I send thoughts of peace your way. For, no matter where they go, we carry them in our hearts. Always.

Happy Fathers Day -