Tales of a Temp

Last year, I didn't update for the entire month of February.

To me, February was always the armpit of the year - I always said that the reason that February is the shortest month is because it's the worst, (Note: last February was the last time I spoke to "He Who Does Not Deserve to be Named" and had my highly embarrassing experience with "The Weeping Willow") but this year, it hasn't been bad. (That might be due to a certain boy - but more on that later)

3 weeks ago, I was planning to move back to North Carolina. I was sitting on my couch, sweating over a post-panic attack and trying to figure out through tears how I could get all of my stuff home by February 28th. It was an awful feeling, a sinking despair knowing that I had failed.

2 hours later, I received a phone call from a woman asking me if I could begin working temporarily the following Monday.

I did a two-week temporary position at the Interactive Advertising Bureau verifying phone numbers for their membership files. I called 3,900 people in 10 days. Luckily, I was able to move seamlessly into another temporary position at a company called Solid State Logic. It's a company that supplies equipment for sound studios. I'm essentially the "receptionist" (except no one comes to this floor) and the "mail girl".

It's not the most glamorous position, but the people are nice enough and I'm at least getting paid. But, doing these temporary jobs, where you're the "disposable" one, is getting really tiresome. When you really think about it, I've been a temp since I graduated from college. With the exception of a 3 month stint in a full-position. So frustrating. I guess the worst part of is the worthless feeling that comes with it - like I can't get a better position - the "not good enough for anything besides "temp". While others I know are able to get hired, one job after another, I'm struggling to stay afloat working at 12-15 dollars an hour. What is it about me that is so undesirable?

I do have a second-round interview set up for the coming Tuesday. It's in sales (again) and could definitely be promising. But, if I'm being honest, I'm afraid to get back into sales. My experience last time was so awful and I'm afraid that if the job is offered to me, I will take it and be unhappy. At what point do you have to say "a job is a job" and take whatever is offered to you? And what is the real cost of doing that?

There's another job that I want very badly - I spoke with them on Monday and I'm waiting to hear back to confirm an interview. The position is a Field Merchandising Coordinator for a handbag company. It would require a lot of travel, but it would be something I'm sure I would love doing and a company I would love working for. I'm trying very hard to not get too worked up over this position because of the inevitable disappointment that will follow if it doesn't come through. But, it seems to be happening anyway. I'm getting antsy and I can't help it.

Of course, this is making it difficult to focus on my upcoming interview for the sales position.

Things seem to be picking up for me (at least, I hope they are), I'm really starting to see some traction from the jobs that I've applied for and I can continue to work temporarily until something does come through. I just hope it happens soon enough.

I'm tired of being pushed completely out to the edge before something finally pulls me back. But I guess that's just how my life is.