Friday, May 14, 2010

Stuff my boyfriend says..

"Look! I got you travel size shampoo AND conditioner! And, it's girly. See? It's orange."

Monday, May 10, 2010

10 Awesome Things My Mother Taught Me

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I hope you all had wonderful times with your mothers and really showed them that you love them. I, unfortunately, could not be with my mother yesterday, but I spent a lot of time this week thinking about what mothers mean to us and how we can properly honor them for everything they have done for us.

I spent Mothers Day with Craig and his family in Long Island. To me, it wasn't so much a celebration of mothers, but a celebration of families. Which, isn't that really what Mother's Day is about, anyway? It was a day full of food, family, and laughter. And though I missed my own family very much, being with his family reminded me that family is universal. Love is universal. I am so grateful to have a "surrogate" family so accepting of me. It actually kind of felt like being home.

My mother is a teacher. It takes a special kind of person to become a teacher and share passions with others. But, even more than a teacher of students, she is a teacher of children; her own children. So, I thought that the best way to honor my mother would be to note her teaching accomplishments - though in a different way. So, here are the top ten amazing things my mother has taught me.

1. How to read
I don’t mean this one to be so literal. Yes, technically, my mother taught me how to read as a child. She read to me every single night before bed and one night, I said, “I’m going to read to you!” “Ha! Okay, go ahead!” she said, thinking I would ramble something about the pictures on the pages. I read each page, carefully holding the giant book in my little hands. My mom was skeptical. “She’s memorized it,” she thought. But as she handed me book after book, I read each one aloud to her. Her passion for books and the time we spent bonding over them before bed started my love of reading. More important than the ability to read, she taught me to value reading and how to read for pleasure. Sure, reading books for school is fine, but she opened a new world for me; one where you could get lost in a book, become friends with fictional characters, and change your life in 500 pages. We would sometimes share a special bond, where one of us would slink down the stairs in the morning, clearly exhausted. “Did you not sleep?” “No, I had to finish that book.” It’s understood.

2. How to create
It’s no secret that my family is one of creators. My grandfather builds beautiful pieces out of wood, my grandmother sews, my father builds, the list goes on and on, but my mother has always been an advocate for creative thinking. From the first time I used a sewing machine to make my very own outfit. My mother patiently watched, carefully helped, while allowing me to experience it all on my own. It was mine. I made it. In my mother’s eyes, anything I could ever want could be made. Because of this, I have a hard time shopping for anything without thinking, “I could make that.” Arts and crafts have always been a soothing experience for me. I studied graphic design in college. The ‘art’ of creating is in my blood.

3. How to work hard
My mother works hard. She really does. She’s a teacher of music and drama at two schools, the choir director at a church, and she’s a full time mother, sister, daughter, and wife. She’s a “leave at 7:00am, come home at 9:00pm” type of woman. And, she wouldn’t have it any other way. If there’s one thing my mother has, it’s a stellar work ethic. It’s inspiring.

4. “Wear lipstick”
Back in middle school, I fought with my mother constantly about her not allowing me to wear makeup. I thought that in order to fit in with the other students in the school, I too needed to wear blue eyeshadow and mascara every day. After granting me permission and purchasing a few things for me, she quickly found that I favored eye makeup over anything else. “Wear lipstick, you look sick without it,” she would warn. It wasn’t until I got to college that I really understood what she was saying. She was telling me that I have a feature that is beautiful and I wasn’t showing it off. She could see that I looked better, healthier, and happier with a shade of pink on my lips.

5. “Family is vital”
My parents never really had an abundance of friends. Sure, they have their social circles and I’ve met many of their close friends, but they never had friends like some other parents I knew. It was because of family. Coming from a large family, you have built-in friends. People who will help you, come to your aid, listen to your problems, offer advice, and sometimes, drive you crazy. There was no problem I could have that couldn’t have been fixed by a family member. And, since birth, my siblings and I were always taught (and shown) the value of a loving family. It is my hope that I one day can have a family of my own that can expand the already beautiful family I have now. And with those children, I will instill the same values that my mother and father taught me. Family is vital.

6. How to be self-sufficient
My mother didn’t “baby” me. Sure, she took care of things I could not handle, but knew me well enough to understand my need for independence and my abilities to take care of it myself. She nurtured me in the way of self-sufficiency. Do you need a shirt washed? Take care of it. Do you need 50 cupcakes for your class tomorrow? I’ll teach you how to bake them. It might sound a little like neglect, but it was nothing like that. She was slowly teaching me how to be an individual, how to take care of myself so I can one day effectively take care of others.

7. “Let it go”
Forgiveness is difficult. Yet, my mother seems to be a master at it. Sure, she can hold a grudge for a little while, but after a short time, she just lets it go. I can admit, begrudgingly, that I do not have the same abilities to forgive and let go as she does. But she shows me that it is possible, and those things you hold onto only prevent you from experiencing the new and good in the world. This is a lesson she is still teaching me.

8. Appreciation of music, theater, and performing arts
My mother is music. She always has been, always will be. It is through her that I have an appreciation for music. One of my oldest memories of my mother’s music was a time she was singing at a wedding. “Morning Has Broken” I can still remember the beautiful song, even though I was probably only 4 years old. As she sang, me sitting in between my brother and father, I can remember the pride I felt. That’s MY mother. She sings, and it’s beautiful. Genetically, I didn’t receive the same singing abilities as my sister and brother, but she still passed to me a divine love of the arts and theater. I danced, I played the flute, I helped in every musical and concert she put on. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I know of its importance and I still value the discipline it taught me.

9. Be generous
She is one of the most generous people I know. Even when there isn’t much to give, she gives what she has. She is generous in her time, her talents, and service. It is inspiring how she has taken the skills and abilities she has been given and helps others with it. Whether it be teaching music for Vacation Bible School kids or cooking meals for sick neighbors, she offers what she can.

10. How to love
If my mother does anything, she loves. She raised three children who all grew up knowing that they were loved. Never did we have to question if our parents loved us. It was known. It IS known. She loves her parents, and my father’s parents. She loves her siblings, her in-laws, she loves her students, and she loves all those who surround her. In the same way, she loves my father and is a perfect example of how to foster a relationship and keep it healthy. When I had my heart broken in a million pieces, she said, “I only hope this doesn’t affect your ability to love.” She knew that to truly love another (and to have them love you in the same way) was something incredibly special and she didn’t want me to miss out on that experience.


My mother has taught me a lot of things, but in her mind, there are no categories. There are no “Top 10 Lists”. She taught me all of these things because she wanted me to be a beautiful person, inside and out. She knew my entire life that I could do amazing things and she wanted me to believe it too. So, thank you, Mom; for everything you’ve taught me – and for what you continue to teach me every single day!

Friday, May 7, 2010

"I actually digested a huge gust of wind on my way to work.."

I am seriously in love with this video. Can't.Stop.Laughing!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Boyfriend Diaries: A Family Affair

Since I'm no longer dating, the Dating Virginia section of the blog is no more. Instead, I figured it's time to debut a "sequel" (if you will) to that section, Boyfriend Diaries. It will be relatively similar, but only one boy will be discussed ;) I, of course, wont be going into much detail about our lives, because the relationship we have and what we share is private and I would never want to say or do anything to lose Craig's trust. However, I feel that there are some things that are okay to share and I'll be doing that in this blog section.

Let's go.

First, can I take an "aside" and talk about how weird/awesome it is that I have a boyfriend? It's a word that I haven't used to describe someone in almost 4 years. In fact, when he first used the term (he said it first, not me - I didn't want to rush in and label something that wasn't 'there' yet.) it struck me as odd. Boyfriend. Wow, I have a boyfriend. So strange and so exciting.

Anyway, back to the point. I've moved in. Not permanently, but, while by Upper East Side studio is being renovated, I've moved all of my things from my apartment in Murray Hill to a storage unit in Harlem while currently housing with Craig and his two siblings in their UES apartment. It's really not that big of a deal, since I've met them (and his parents) and have spent time with them in their space, but it is still their space. I'm on Day 2 and still feeling a little nervous about the living situation. I want to be a good "temporary house mate", keeping my things picked up, making very little noise, and contributing to the well-being of everyone in the home. I have a lot to prove here!

Not that I have a problem living with them for a little while, his brother and sister are great people who are very friendly and welcoming. But, I don't want to screw anything up.

Essentially, I've got a lot on the line. Family acceptance is vital to a healthy relationship and from past relationships, I understand how miserable it can be if the family doesn't like you. So, I have to prove that I can be respectful, kind, clean, fun, and sociable all while continuing to build a relationship with their brother. It's a lot to take in!

As usual, I'm probably over thinking the situation and I'm certain if the tables were turned, my family would act the exact same way, opening their arms to someone I care about and helping them in any way they could. In fact, thinking about it just now, I would be perfectly fine with my brother's girlfriend living with us for a week or so. Still, there's that tiny part of me that feels like I'm a burden. But, in order to get through this will everyone's spirit intact, I've got to push past those feelings and be myself. Well, a cleaner version of myself. ;)

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Oh Vera...

I am SO disappointed.


Vera Wang Platform Mule Sandal - $516.00

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Dating Virginia: Game Over

Dating is a game. From the beginning of courtship, it’s a game. Arranged relationships were essentially a game of “Risk” where unions were made to further a family’s financial security, families joined to create more power – throughout, there was always strategy and planning. It is a game.

Like a game of chess, it’s as if each piece is a representative of us. You’ve got your feelings, your emotions, your mind, your body, and like the key piece in the game, the Queen, your heart. As we date and get to know different people, you enter into a game; moving your pieces around, capturing pieces of the other and allowing them to capture yours. A lot of times, the pieces captured are not in order and the game is lost by both people, but we keep playing. We fight, we battle, we cry, we laugh, we make peace, and sometimes, call a truce.

I’ve done a lot of playing “games” since waging my last war. I was wounded, retreated, and left to mend before picking up and playing again. But, again I did play, in search of that perfect partner who could play the game and take my heart.

Like one of my favorite artists, Ingrid Michaelson, sang, “The battle with the heart isn’t easily won. But it can be won.”

It happened. I moved my pieces, and finally opened up my Queen to be captured, and it was. Someone has my heart. And I his. The battle has been won.

I realize some of my readers might be confused at this point, because I’ve been really tight-lipped about this relationship. Essentially, it started as something slow and unknown, and even a little shaky. It wasn’t until I saw our relationship reach a point of stability (and stay there for a while) that I felt comfortable enough to write about it.

So here it is, officially: Meal Plan and I are in it together. We’re in it for the long run. We’re in it for good.

The last time I wrote about Meal Plan, I announced (much to my dismay) that we were just friends. And, we, in fact, were just friends. We were dating other people, but remaining in close contact with each other all of the time. To make a long story short, it took a lot of game playing and finally a surrender for us to finally realize what we both wanted; a lasting, exclusive, committed relationship.

So here we are – he makes me feel like I’m floating. We’ve taken this relationship in baby steps, carefully making sure that we’re doing it right while nurturing each other in a way that makes us grow together, at the same pace. I, of course, needed (and still need sometimes) a lot of care and patience to open up enough to let him in completely. But, I have and he has shown me that I can feel like this – I didn’t think this feeling existed outside of novels and silly RomComs.

Every time we are together, time slows down, as if it’s helping take special care in making memories. The universe is telling me, “Look, Virginia! Remember all of these things – they are amazing.”

Like the night he first told me that he loved me. We were lying in bed, watching TV after spending the day with my mother in the city. We were casually talking and when we both fell comfortably silent, wrapped in each other’s arms, he whispered, “I love you so much.” I can’t even describe what I felt in that exact moment. It was like my chest swelled, a lump rose in my throat, and a light shone through my eyes. As soon as I heard it, I knew I felt it too. “I love you too.”

Since then, I haven’t stopped smiling. Someone loves me! He loves me! Before, “I love you” was something that you said, just because you didn’t really have anything else to say. But now, I know that those words can truly mean something, and you say them because the feelings you’re feeling just can’t be contained anymore – never have I heard words more sincere than those he said that night.

I apologize for the onslaught of ferris wheels, butterflies, heart-shaped confetti, and sprinkles lovey-stuff. Yet, I can’t imagine what I could write about him that wouldn’t include those feelings. Sure, we have leapt off of the ledge away from the safety of stable ground into the scary unknown future, but we leapt together, and good or bad, we’re falling. And no matter what happens, we have love.

So friends, I can officially (yes, meaning I got permission) to introduce MealPlan to you. Readers, meet Craig:


Lunch in Central Park, Thursday, April 8th, 2010

Get to know him, friends. He's sticking around ;)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

VA Review: The Abs Diet

I am starting a new diet. Of course, this is nothing new, I’ve struggled with weight my entire life. I think I’ve tried almost every diet that is out there, from Weight Watchers, Sugar Busters, Adkins, and I’ve even made up some of my own – the “Eat under 1100 calories a day” diet, the “No sugar, ever!” diet, and the horrible “Fruits and Veggies ONLY” diet. Of course, none of these worked. Sure, some of them would move the scale a bit, but none of them really had any lasting effects.


I lost a lot of weight in my first 6 months living in New York. It was a really popular diet, everyone was talking about it: “Recession.” Yes, I lost weight because I was walking everywhere and only buying the necessities for food. I was eating very little and walking a lot, not necessarily by choice.

When it really comes down to it, I gained most of my weight in my first two years of college. (Damn you, Harden Dining Hall and You, delicious Danieley wraps!) After the first two years, I moved off campus and didn’t walk as much (and I certainly wasn’t exercising!) Then, I was planning a wedding and had already purchased my dress so losing too much weight would have cost more money. (Stop diet!) After the wedding didn’t happen, I gained A LOT of weight. I went down to Florida with some family members and did nothing but eat and wallow. By the time I moved to New York, I was well over 30 pounds more than I should have been.

Let’s fast forward. I’m fat and I want to do something about it.

I am starting The Abs Diet today. Yesterday, I had a cheeseburger and French fries for lunch and giant artery-stopping fajitas for dinner. I drank soda and ate cookies. It was the final day. I essentially wanted to go ahead and eat whatever would tempt me in my cabinets so I could start anew.



I read the book, got an idea of what this “diet” entailed, and went shopping for food. 

The Abs Diet is a little bit hard to explain. In fact, this is kind of how the conversation goes:

“I started a new diet today.”
“Oh really? What is it?”
“The Abs Diet”
“Hm.. never heard of it. What is it?”
“Um…”

Here’s the problem: It’s not a “I eat only green foods!” diet. There aren’t really rules or restrictions placed on it. Essentially, the purpose of the diet is to change the habits of your metabolism and make small changes to make your body work with you, not against you. I am to eat 6 times per day.

8:15am – Breakfast
11:00am – Snack
1:00pm – Lunch
4:00pm – Snack
7:00pm – Dinner
9:30pm – Snack

With that food “schedule”, I am to include as many “Power Foods” in each meal or snack as possible. I’m not going to list the foods here, because I think that would be ultimately taking business away from the writer. But, they’re manageable, tasty foods – not anything that I wouldn’t eat anyway. Also, this diet allows one “cheat” meal per week. So, I would not be restricted if I suddenly got a craving for McDonalds or had to go to a birthday party. This is definitely a plus.

Instead of doing many blog posts, I will do a “Diary” of this diet. In the book, there is a 6-week plan. Though I intend to continue healthy eating well after 6 weeks, I will let you have a glimpse into this 6 week journey of mine. Let’s go.


Week 1 Beginning:

It was difficult to force myself to eat at these odd times during the day. At 11:00, I had to stop and go, “Oh, I’m supposed to eat now!” (Even though I wasn’t hungry)

I’m optimistic about this diet and I really believe in the ideals of it. The writer seems to be knowledgeable and realistic about what is to be expected and the inevitable results.


Week 1 End:

I am amazed. I haven’t once craved a cheeseburger (note: when I get cravings, it’s not for sugary treats.. it’s usually for meat. Like steak. Mmmm, steak.) or wanted a Coke. I’m astonished about how easy it is to stick to. The only problem I have (and it’s a small one) is that I have to grab everything I’m going to eat that day (including snacks) before I leave for work in the morning. It’s probably better, really, because I’m not getting to 4:00pm daydreaming about what I’d like to eat.

I am doing this diet with Meal Plan (oh, irony, you’re so silly.) He was the generous soul that bought the Women’s book for me and let me borrow the initial book that helped me get started.

It’s nice, really, to have someone to do this with. And, because he is slightly removed (like, not family or friends I’ve had forever) I feel more accountable to him than I would to, say, my mother. I don’t want to disappoint.

Though (and it does need to be noted that MP and I are in a relationship now, I know I haven’t written about that, but there it is.), I’m a little fearful about agreeing to diet with MP since our relationship is still in a very ‘new’ stage. Some of the time, it seems that all we talk about is food and recipes and ‘what are you eating’s. I know it’s week one and I certainly wouldn’t bring it up. But, I’m hoping the constant diet talk will die down and we can get back to supporting each other through this while also continuing to get to know one another, talking about other things, and working on our budding relationship.

Week 2 Beginning:

-1 pound.

1 Pound? Really? One pound?! Meal Plan lost almost 4 pounds last week! Ugh, men and their metabolisms!

Though it’s frustrating, I also have to take into consideration some other things that may be contributing to the minimal movement in the scale. (Note: I feel like it should be pointed out that I do not own a scale and have been weighing myself on a mail – freight – scale at work. This is classy.) **TMI ALERT** I started my period today. Lady readers, you know that when it’s time, you bloat, hold all the water you possibly can, and feel like a straight-up whale. Gross, mom nature. You’re a bitch.

I’m down, yes. But, still optimistic that all my work from last week will have paid off by next week’s weigh in. I’m keepin’ on!

This diet is 'spensive, yo! I've had to really splurge on a few things like getting a blender, whey powder (that stuff's 25 bucks!), nuts (incredibly expensive in NYC), and fresh produce - starting this thing is costing me a lot of money - I better be crazy skinny at the end of this, just sayin'.

Week 2 End:

I have to pee every 30 minutes. I wake up every day (even weekends) ravenous for breakfast at 8:30am (yes, even on the weekends). I'm ready for a snack at 4:00pm. I can't eat as much in one sitting as I used to and my portions are getting smaller naturally. My body is really starting to adjust to the changes I’ve made and I’ve started to see some results. First to go, the riblets. You know, those fat pieces that sit on the back of your ribs, yeah, the gross ones. It’s been two weeks and I can see my body is transforming (I’m amazed, really). I haven’t been hungry once, and I haven’t felt like I’ve been dieting, but my God! I’m getting thinner! My face is thinner, my ring spins around and hangs upside down most of the time, and my jeans are fitting better. Oddly, the place where I notice it the most is in my winter coat. I’ve really started to move around in there.

Though I wont weigh myself until Monday morning, I am hoping that it will show a significant drop.
Though you’re allowed a “cheat meal”, I haven’t used it yet. The diet hasn’t been difficult to stick to and I haven’t felt the urge or cravings to verge off the path.

Week 3 Beginning:

-2 pounds

I have had a headache for 2 straight days. I think my days of not having caffeine are catching up to me. I normally have two cups of tea each morning at work. With the snowicane that came through, I didn’t work on Friday and Saturday and Sunday I had no caffeine. One thing I have given up is soda. I’m pretty addicted to Coke, but I’ve discovered that flavored sparkling water gives me my craving of carbonation with sweet taste. But, there is no caffeine in it.
I’m going to have to come to a common ground with the caffeine. I can’t give it up because I can hardly keep my eyes open with these headaches.

During week 2, I began an exercise routine. Following it straight out of the book, I want to give an accurate representation of what this diet is. I do it for you, people. I do it for you! It’s a series of muscle toning exercises that target the abs, arms, and legs mostly. Supposedly, after 4 weeks, you’re supposed to start seeing abs. I do the muscle toning exercises on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, with brisk walking or a quick jog on Tuesday and Thursday. It’s really easy for me, since I walk to work everyday. Once it gets warmer, I plan to walk to work (sans subways) on Tuesdays and Thursdays to give my “workout” a little extra oomph!

One thing I really am trying to focus on is my arms. I intend to wear a lot of strappy sundresses this summer and I want my arms to be in tip-top shape. Not Madonna shape, that’s gross.

Meal Plan and I have decided that when we get awesome abs after Week 4, we’ll name them Jersey Shore style. ;)
I’m the beginning of week 3 and I haven’t quit yet! But, I’ll be going out to dinner tomorrow night with a friend, so my stamina will certainly be tested. Make good choices!!


Week 3 End:


I think I did fine with ordering food online – Thai food was chosen – I selected a chicken curry dish that I only ate half of. Though, it’s difficult to determine just how many calories are in foods that are made in restaurants.
I went out for a birthday party and felt really fat amongst friends. I would say that my body image has certainly changed, now that I’m starting to see results. I’m not near where I want to be yet and I’m really starting to consciously notice that I haven’t made it there yet. I tried to stay away from drinks loaded with calories, but I did indulge in some vodka cranberries, which probably had a lot of sugar in it. Shame.

Week 4 Beginning:

-4 pounds

Well, there went the water weight!

I know it seems like I’m constantly complaining, and I should just be grateful that the numbers on the scale keep going in the downward direction. But, to me, I feel like I’ve lost more than the numbers are showing. I should have dropped at least 10 by now, right?

Week 4 End:

Cravings. Lots of them! I want cheeseburgers and bagels. Bad. But, I’ve come this far and I don’t want to turn back on it now. I will just have to keep pressing forward, blocking those cravings out.

I’ve stopped doing the “in book” workout. I wasn’t really feeling like it was doing me any good. (Any exercise is good exercise, I know, but I wasn’t finishing the exercises feeling like I had really worked out) So, I’ve started doing “at home” workouts with Exercise TV On Demand (Check it out, it really is amazing!!). I do much better when someone is yelling at me. It’s like she can really see me when she says, “Don’t stop now!” I did a 20-minute abs workout this week and REALLY felt the burn. (Like, serious soreness the next day) 3 of those per week and I should be pretty muscular!

The book says that you’re supposed to start “seeing abs” at the end of week 4. While I might have more defined ab muscles than when I started, you certainly can’t see them. I can feel them, on the sides, if I press against them, but there’s way too much cushion on top to see anything. Ugh.

Week 5 Beginning:

-1.2 pounds

I REALLY thought that I would have hit the 10-pound mark this week and I was really disheartened to see the scale didn’t reflect that. But, next week should be the breaking point. I’ve done pretty well to maintain a close to 2lbs per week loss, which is healthy for weight loss. Still, I’m impatient (I know I’ve said this A LOT) and want to see more results faster. I’m getting down to the end of my 6-week period and I want to show more results.

I had a little bit of a fall back last night, but didn’t succumb to the temptation. I was hungry around 10:00pm and stared into the cabinets and refrigerator trying to find something to eat. I know that habit can lead to bad snacking. Lately, I’ve been going into my bedroom after 9:30 or so to stop the urge to snack. Not being near the kitchen and food seems to help. I didn’t snack last night, but I did revert back into that “I’m bored, let’s see what there is to eat” realm.

Week 5 End:

I bought a bathing suit today. It’s a tiny, striped bikini. Yellow. Yes, bright yellow and white stripes. Did I mention it’s tiny? It was an impulse buy – a sale and the fuzzy image of me on a beach with 15 more pounds gone. On the one hand, it makes me excited, but on the other, I’m so nervous. Was purchasing something so “nice body required” a stupid idea? I’m going to think of it as a goal to work for instead of a looming terror.

Week 6 Beginning:


+1 pound

I gained a pound. So depressing. I’m trying not to let it get me down, because one pound is hardly anything. I gain and lose 5 pounds in a day, easy. But, it’s still hard to see the downward numbers to suddenly jump back up again. I do know that this week, I will have to work a lot harder to get past this. It’s possible that I have hit a “plateau” and if any of you have dieted before, you know that pushing past the plateau can be difficult.

Week 6 End:

I tried on the bikini. Terrible decision. Let’s just say that I have a LONG way to go before I’ll be able to wear that thing confidently. But, I was able to wear a pair of pants for the first time – I received them for Christmas and have never been able to button them. Major plus to the ego. Still, the image of that swimsuit on me isn’t something that I can easily remove. I have hung the bathing suit up so I can see it every day. It will be a constant reminder of my goal.

END REMARKS

Final 6 week weigh-in
-0.4 pounds


Total 6-week weight loss: 7.6 pounds

While the 6-weeks have come to an end, I have not ended this diet. I have a new goal and will continue to work hard to reach it. If nothing else, I have a never-worn swimsuit that would really love to see the sun and sand this season.

So, do I recommend this? Absolutely. It’s non-depriving, easy to stick to, and it works!
Though I didn’t lose the 10 pounds in the 6 weeks, I surpassed it on the 7th week for a current total loss of 11.6 pounds

VA Rating: 10

Check it out for yourself, I promise you won’t be disappointed.

The Abs Diet For Women : FIND IT HERE

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Daughter, Once Removed

I spent my entire life surrounded and encompassed by family members. Massive amounts of family members. Never was it just my brother and sister, mother and father. There was always an aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent. Always.

Until now.

A lot of my first year in New York was spent remaining in constant contact with those I love the most. But, in the past 6 months, communication has dwindled. In fact, communication at all is rare. Of course, many things have happened that could account for the lack of conversation. My grandfather's death, my father's cancer, and my general unemployment are all things that are just too difficult to talk about; and since those things encompass 80% of my life, there's not much else to speak of. It's my own fault, really. I didn't have good news to share, so I stopped sharing everything. I stopped calling, I stopped asking, and in turn, I stopped getting called, I stopped getting asked.

Most of the time, I coast along on general apathy, not bothering to worry too much about my future. I am accepting the fact that what is to happen will happen and I accept that. I apply for jobs and continue to look for things to open up doors for me, but the stress of constantly worrying about it became too much, so I stopped.

Yet, on nights like tonight, I feel the pressure. The pressure of my life and the unknown feels like being too far underwater. My chest gets tight, my muscles tense, and I long for the comforts I once knew. I miss the comfort of my room at home, just across the hall from my parents. I miss the closeness of my grandparents, knowing that I could see them in 5 minutes if I wanted to. I miss being the daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, niece I used to be. I miss the all-knowing family I had. I never had to tell about my problems, they just knew. Things were easy.

I guess it's part of growing up. I've had to remove myself from my close-knit family in order to find out who I really am. Have I figured that out yet? Certainly not. But, I'm trying. And maybe I'm getting closer. Maybe.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Rain, Rain, You Can Stay



There is a thunderstorm in New York City tonight. It reminds me of summer nights as warm storms would roll across the Carolinas. Half of me misses those humid Carolina nights, but the other half is so excited for spring and summer in New York. I'm sure years down the road, I'll sit on a porch listening to the rain and have happy memories of New York City rainstorms.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Time for me to complain...

I cant even begin to describe the disappointment I'm feeling right now. You know when you're so excited for something only to find that it's not happening? That kind of let down, like having to cancel your pool party due to a hurricane.

Weeks ago, I had an interview scheduled for a Field Merchandising Coordinator position with Radley London. After it being cancelled due to Snowmageddon 2010 and scheduled 2 weeks later, I have just been informed that my interview (tomorrow) has been cancelled again. No, not weather related, put simply, the position has been put "on hold".

I think the fact that I'm not going to get the chance to interview for this job is worse than going to the interview and not getting the position. At least I would known that the job wasn't a good fit and I could move on to something else. But I had very high hopes for this job. "My perfect job". And now I can't have it.

So, it's back to the drawing board for me. For now, I'll continue to temp and apply for jobs as I have been for the past 18 months.

I just wish at some point something would come through for me. I've paid my dues, I've been patient. It's time for something to come my way.