Friday, August 13, 2010

Discussion: Does it matter what outsiders think of your relationship?

It’s a question I have asked myself and other people for as long as I can remember. To me, it doesn’t have a simple answer, but since I am shoulder-deep in this topic, I’m finally going to pen my thoughts on the subject.

My first thought is that, ultimately, people should stay out of other people’s relationships. When one of my friends dates a new person, I reserve judgment of that person until I have met them. Even then, I would rarely (or never) comment on their choice in a partner. Here’s the thing: my friend or family member has clearly chosen who they wish to spend their time with. If they make them happy, I am happy. And, like most of you, I expect the same thing from my friends and family.

I do believe that if the relationship puts any of those involved in danger, then outsiders should definitely speak up. If someone in the relationship is physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive, then making your opinion known is warranted if for not other reason, to show you care about their well-being. If no harm is put on anyone in the relationship, you should play nice and keep your mouth shut, no matter what your feelings toward the relationship may be.

“Life is too short, and bowls of happiness too rare to care about what anyone
thinks. Alien space lizards aside, no one should concern themselves with
whomever someone else is dating. Don’t be a meddlesome, clucking busybody. If
you want to ignore the failures in your life by concentrating on and criticizing
the lives of others, watch reality television. That’s what it’s there for.
Otherwise, perform a top kill maneuver on your word gusher and cap it. “

It’s true, that after things ended with my fiancé I heard a lot of comments about how they didn’t feel he was right for me and I even heard from one person that they knew he was a cheater. Most of this information came out in between the time our relationship ended and when I really found out about the second fiancé he had on the side. And you know what? Most of it, I didn’t even believe. I believe it now, but then, I was still giving him the benefit of the doubt. So would all of this information have saved me from heartbreak? No. I was blinded by a relationship that I had made up in my head. To me, everything was perfect and anything anyone could have said would certainly have caused me heartbreak, but a different kind. It would have been very difficult and painful to hear that the person I had chosen was not accepted by them.

On the other side, it’s very gratifying to see the person you have chosen get along with your friends and family and even more so to hear about how wonderful they feel he/she is. But, would I want to hear the negative side if that’s what they felt? Probably not. I have heard of instances where people don’t seem to approve of my current relationship. Honestly, I believe that a relationship is what goes on between two people and has nothing to do with those on the outside. Certainly, I value your opinions, but if I am content and happy.. kindly STFU.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Well said. As long as you are happy and the relationship is happy and healthy, then what others say doesn't matter!