Anger has come back to visit again. He is a fiery man, with a vicious laughter that ignites rage within me. He is like an old friend, one that you know you don't enjoy being around, but can't help but find him in the worst of places. I feel like he lays in bed next to me, pressing his hands against my chest, my lungs crushing under the weight. The feelings boil up from my stomach and fill my head - I want to release the pressure.
I try to push him away, to get his scalding hands off me and these feelings out of my head - and when he starts to fade, I see another friend in my room. She is small and frail - she sits in the corner, cowering, yet looking deeply at me with sad eyes. She is guilt; and she, more than anger, I despise seeing her return. She whispers softly to me, "...you're letting everybody down..." "...don't disappoint everyone..." and I want to scream! There is no reason for her to be here - there is no reason! But why? Why does she return and cripple me?
I so desperately need to get myself back to a time and place when I didn't know these "friends" - A time like this:
Maybe I should get a kitten....